Fall Is Here. Finally.

Fall came a week later to Albuquerque and it was worth the wait. Last week we still had temps of 93º at 6 pm and it was hot hot hot! This morning the clouds were enveloping the Sandia Mountains and provided a fluffy cotton dandy backdrop for the hundreds of hot air balloons that were dotting the sky. The weather is damp, cool and just delicious. Time to get out my 'winter shorts'. I wear shorts all year long. This is my time of year.

Yesterday was a hard day for my little family. It was my father in laws birthday, the first one since he passed away last November.  It was hard to see my husband tear up while we were buying flowers to take to his grave. We all brought flowers and balloons and it made a nice burst of color for his headstone. We didn't coordinate our visit with other family and we all would up there within minutes of each other. I jokingly said are we going to sing happy birthday and so we did. I felt a little silly singing in the cemetery, but I am glad that we did. We have the first anniversary of his passing next month and that one is going to be even harder.

I am still on my juice fast, day 5.  I am feeling really good. Weekends are have always been hard for me.  I got in the habit of taking it easy on the weekends.  I then did the math and realized that being lax for 2 days a week is almost like being bad for 3 months out of the year. That is not a good thing. This weekend was especially trying for me. Saturday we took the car to be detailed I sat next to a popcorn machine that made endless batches of popcorn and there were snacks everywhere.  I held strong and sipped my juice. After the cemetery, we all decided to go to lunch afterward. This was not not the table when we set out in the am, so I was not prepared with a juice. I had water while everyone was enjoying salsa and chips and then some delicious lunches.  I feel real resolve this fast and just sipped my water. I would up doing a water fast all day on Sunday and crawling into bed to just chill. I listened to my body. I had a fabulous nights sleep and woke up feeling rested.  

This morning I woke up and wasn't hungry, even after having just water yesterday. I stepped on the scale this morning and it shows that I have lost 10.8 lbs since October 1st.  I am thrilled.   I went and did a bunch of errands and then decided I needed to drink some juice, so I stopped by my local raw and juice bar.  I had another shot of wheat grass and the most delicious juice I have ever had.  I chose ingredients I have used together myself before, but I guess not having juice yesterday and having someone else make it for me made it even more delicious. I would love for them to juice for me everyday. If I was a Rockefeller. I asked the manager if it would be OK if I brought in my own mason jars, stainless steel straws and shot glass (for wheat grass) so I would not be throwing away all this plastic and he said he I sure could. I really like the manager.  

I had planned to walk around the park while Nathan was doing Taekwondo, however he sprained his finger today playing ball at school and they are taped together. They are sparring today at Taekwondo and he didn't want to hurt it more.  I was also going to go to the gym with the hubby tonight and he just said he isn't going to go tonight.  I am a bit disappointed, but my body is very tired so I am ok with this. I am going to chill and listen to the rain that just started. 

This And That

I seem to have to NO patience with other drivers or those with a shopping cart lately. Yo! Lady stuffing your face with Costco samples, you do not get to cut me off to beat me to another sample table.  I assure you that I am not getting a sample and maybe you should stop for a bib and manners before the next feeding.  What pushed me over the edge was a city bus that I watched make a right turn on red without stopping, then proceed to speed down a hill, try to come into my lane, in the very spot I was in and then blow through a school zone.  I called the city to report it all.  The lady taking the info asked me what streets we were on, I told her, even the direction the bus was going and then turned (that took 5 minutes in my head before I called.  North is usually the direction I am facing :) ) because I used the mountains as my guide. I gave her the time this happened, the route number of the bus and the bus number.  I remember all of this while driving.  She then asks me if I happened to catch the license plate number. I said are you kidding me, I was driving as all this happened, didn't write anything down because my hands were on the wheel and I gave you many ways to identify the bus and you want the license plate number? She said I guess not, huh? Good guess.  I also said that the bus cameras will be able to relay all the info I gave you and when you get to the bus with the bus number I gave you, you can get the license plate number then.  

I started my juice fast on October 1st and it has been going really well.  If you don't count the waking up at 3 am and the pounding headaches I get for the first few days.  I have been able to take it easy these past few days and having the weekend in the beginning of a fast works well for me.  I have been super tired and that is normal for me.  Pretty soon I will be bouncing off the walls with energy and the headaches will be gone.  

I made a delicious pineapple and citrus juice yesterday. I really wasn't in the mood for something green.  I wanted something bright and fruity.  This sure hit the spot, making about 64 ounces of pure health.  Nathan apparently is on a juice fast when I make juices as he 'helped' me drink this.  I love that he loves juices and will drink whatever I make. 

1 large pineapple

2 large oranges

10 mandarin oranges

3 limes

3 red apples

Each juice fast is different as you body needs different things and reacts differently.  This time my body is having me spend quality time in the bathroom.  I mean I could have read War and Peace in there these past 2 days.  One of my dogs does not like me to have privacy and loves to open the bathroom door with his head and pop in and say hi and then leave.  I have been in there so often, that I have stopped closing the door for fear of him getting a concussion with him opening the door with his head so often. LOL  

Today I had some errands to do.  I decided to stop and get a juice when we headed out this am.  I also got a wheatgrass shot. For those that have never done a wheatgrass shot, they can be bitter and are an intense flavor.  I was talking to the guy making my order and he said it is all in how you cut it and he explained that the lower stalk is sweeter and the more of color that you can get, the sweeter the shot is.  He was right. It was 'sweeter', but still a very intense flavor. I did my 2 oz shot like a trooper. I said that I had always wanted to grow wheatgrass and he offered to give me a tray next time I come in and see about selling me some seeds.  I am stoked.  I hope my juicer can juice the wheat grass.  I would love to do a wheat grass shot every day because the nutrients are equivalent to eating 8 lbs of vegetables.  

FIERCE! 

I was taking the car to be detailed and it was a 2 1/2 hour job.  We were going to walk across the street and meander around, but decided to stay there and sit at a nice table and chat, play on our phones.  And eat.  Well, Rick ate.  They have free popcorn and coffee at the car wash and Rick decided to live it up.  I got him 4 bags of popcorn, 4 coffees and 1 coke.  He got himself the Moon Pie from the vending machine for dessert.  I sat next to that popcorn maker for 2/12 hours and sipped my juice smelled them making batch after batch of popcorn.  I sat there watching the hubby snack away.  Not once did my resolve waiver.  

Feeling Juicy

I went and got a new scale today.  My old one said I weighed 6,185 lbs. no matter how many new batteries we put in there. I set the new one up (it is exactly like the old one) and synched it to my phone.  I stood on it and almost wept.  All those 4 am mornings (4 months of them) and nothing.  I have lost some inches, no weight.  Well, technically, I no longer weigh 6,185, losing almost 3 tons :)
I know what needs to be done, I did it before. I need to clean up my eating and get in the gym on the machines.

I started a juice fast today. I had been planning on it and I belong to a group that is doing it as well.  I have done a few before and the longest I went was 12 days.  That is a long time to want to chew and not be able to.  Juicing is a fabulous way to get nutrients into your body and clean it out of all sorts of gunk. I am hoping to juice the whole month of October. I love juicing pineapples and bought 6 today.  I juice a whole pineapple a day.  Today I made my sweet green. Nathan loves when I juice and he will drink it all if I don't remind him that I would like some too. You should drink 96 oz of juice a day and lots of water.  Your juice should be 80/20 (veg/fruit).  I start off sweet and then my body craves more of the green as the days go on, so I am not 80/20 when I start out.  I am hoping I have no headaches and do not enter the 'I am going to bite your head off' mood as I detox.  Sometimes when I juice fast, I have days when I do just water. It is super important to listen to your body when fasting.  You should also check with your Dr before you start if you have questions about your meds and how your body can tolerate it.

Today I was not so hungry, it was like my body knew.  I only drank about 1/2 of this and will start tomorrow with what is left, unless I drink the rest tonight.  I have learned that it is always good to have a juice ready in the fridge for nighttime.

Here is my Sweet Green:

1 large pineapple

6 apples 

6 Brussels sprouts    

6 C of spinach

2 limes

2 C red grapes

nub of turmeric

These are estimates.  I will use whatever grapes I have in the freezer. Fruits that are not fun to eat anymore. I kept this in a 1/2 gallon mason jar in the fridge and drank during the day. 

It Was One Of Those Days

When I post a status update on Facebook, I almost always get a chuckle. My life should be a sitcom. I could use the cash. My day to day is not intended to be funny, however it often times ending up being that way. Today was no different.

I did not make it to the gym this am.  I did not sleep a wink last night, tossing and turning and all worked up about going to the gym.  I had a nice text conversation with my cousin today and it helped put things in perspective.  Thank you Brea.  I am going to set my dark thirty alarm and see if the gym is in the cards tomorrow.

I was doing the school run and of course was dressed to the nines.  The nines being overdressed if I was going for the nekkid look.  I had no intentions of getting out of the car.  I put on shorts, a tank top and no support underneath for the girls and my shower sandals (for at the gym). The only thing going for me was that I showered last night and my hair was tousled from tossing and turning.  Not the sexy tousled mind you. It looked closer to the I can't find my brush and I am not getting out of the car scenario. I have had a headache all weekend and no ibuprofen in the house, I even looked for dropped ones under the bed.  My head started pounding on the way home and I decided I would be quick like a bunny and get some.  I pulled into 'that' store.  You know, the store that has everything.  The store that I don't shop at and when I step foot in something always happens to me.  ALWAYS!

I find a spot and park the car.  Hubby is on the phone saying he needed toothpaste and a belt.  Now it has become an outing. An outing I am not dressed for.  I head in the doors and find my ibuprofen, pick up some conditioner and toothpaste.  I did get a little smirk from a lady who had her undergarments on and the girls were properly harnessed.  I headed over to the mens dept and sent 27 pictures to the husband of the belts he had to choose from. He wanted to see hole size, position and buckle type.  After sending the pics he says you choose.  Are you kidding me? I chose the 2 that I thought could hurt him the most.  If you are law enforcement, I kid.

I am almost out of the store and am heading to the register and I see women's T's on sale.  I think I can always use a new gym shirt (I swear I am going).  They didn't have my size, so I grabbed the ones that was a size smaller and tried it on right there over my tank top.  It fit! Yay me!  I go to take it off and am pulling it off over my head and realize that my tank top has come with it.  Right in the middle of the department, people all over and cameras all around.  This is about par for the course.  Something always happens.  I didn't know that it would be going topless in the store but what the heck.  I pull my tank back on and put my new shirt in the shopping cart.  I don't turn red, I am not embarrassed, I don't care.  I have officially reached the age of so what?  I may feel differently if I wind up on the website that showcases the people and their attire that frequent this store.  I may have to register my address on a website to warn others of my antics.  It is what it is.  If you see the pictures circulating, please be kind.

I came home and my headache was gone.  As in I could have shopped for ibuprofen when I was fully clothed. When there was no chance that I would flash everyone in a 360º 300' radius.

I had asked hubby to change the batteries in the scale as I was weighing 6,598 pounds overtime I stepped on it.  I knew it was a pound or two off and I wanted a better gauge of where I was.  He changed the batteries and I stepped on it today and it said I weighed 1,650 lbs.  That swimming sure has paid off.  I could weigh myself in the gym locker room tomorrow, but I try to keep my eyes on the ground, averted, looking at the ceiling, on my phone, covered.  Why you ask?  Well apparently a very flexible nudist colony has joined my gym and no pose is off limits when in the locker room.  The ones that keep me up at night are the bent over at the waist putting lotion on their legs, bent over and blowdrying their hair and the one with one leg up on the bench and looking in their locker for who knows what. I am not sure that I need to know my numbers that badly.

Tomorrow is another day and anything could happen and it usually does.  I might even make it to the gym.  My plan is to make it to the gym.

Panic has set in

What the _______ is going on with me?

I  have committed myself to going back to the gym, not swimming, but the machines.  For the past 24 hours I have been a bit nervous.  The past 4 hours I have been anxious.  Right now I am having what I believe is a panic attack. My heart is racing and it feels like it is going to come right out of my chest.

I was a gym rat.  There was NOTHING I wouldn't try and do and succeed at.  I mean NOTHING!  I had learned to believe in my body, to trust it and its abilities.  I was proud of all that it did.  I was so proud of the athlete I was becoming.  The gym injury took my confidence.  I know I will not be where I was 3 years ago, that I will not be doing 60 250 lb leg presses, 90 second 1 hand planks and push ups like it was no big thing (right until I hit #46 and then it was all jelly arms...lol.  I have made peace what that.

I am nervous about hurting myself and not giving it my all.  And I am nervous about what to wear to the gym tomorrow morning.  Are you kidding me?  I prance around outside for all to see in a bathing suit.  Prance might be the wrong word.  Why am I so anxious about wearing shorts and a t-shirt to the gym.  I can even wear pants if I want.  WTH is going on with me

If I do not go am I a coward? A failure? A liar? A promise breaker? Yes, yes, yes and YES!

Come Along With Me On The Journey Of My Lifetime

I have been on the quiet side today.  Today was 3 years since 'anklegate' and everything that came with it.  I have spent the day contemplating where I was 3 years ago and where I am today.  I don't like what I see.  At all. I have also been exploring my fear of the gym.  I have a real block with it.  I am afraid I could re-injure myself, that I won't be able to do what I used to do, that I won't be as dedicated as I was and that just pisses me off.  The gym is a trigger for me now.  I miss my old gym and the success that I had there, the folks cheering me on, lending their support and an atta girl as they watched my progress.

I have (mostly) come to terms with what the Dr said when he told me that my foot is as good as it is going to get.  I had the worst injury you can get and the worst damage you could have from that injury and I refused surgery when the surgeon said I 95% need it and if I was his wife, he would recommend me having it.  I have missing bone in one toe, knitting that doesn't line up in another toe and I have had pain every single day for the past 3 years (just going away with the swimming and supplements that I am taking now)

The thing that makes all this OK is that I don't ever have to do squats again!  ;) Squats are too much of a weight bearing exercise for the foot per Dr's orders.  I hated squats, oh dear Lord I hated squats.  I was really good at them and would do genuflecting squats while carrying a 30 pound weight in each hand.  It was Catholic guilt and sweat while working out.  Ha Ha

I have had many, so many new starts, new beginnings and do overs these past 3 years. I haven't been able to find my way back to the gym rat that I loved being, the athlete I had become. The liking what I saw in the mirror, the confidence I found and exuded. Now all I see is someone who's hard work was for naught.  Who let depression steal her joy and the efforts of all her hard work.  

I have been a total shit for not keeping my end of the promise I made to Nathan,  I was doing so well and I cannot find that motivation again. It is so heartbreaking, distressing, pitiful, self loathing, self hating and all the other bad adjectives I can throw at myself. 

I am done with that.  This time has to be different. It WILL be different. I have confided in some folks and asked them to give me a year to make some major changes. I have given myself until July of 2016 to make some major changes in the way I look, act and feel. I have made plans to visit folks with the improved me.  I hate the now me and I am not taking her anywhere. I have put it out there for the universe to hear and you to help hold me accountable. I have been swimming for almost 4 moths and loved it right up until a week ago when I just got totally bored with it. I turned off my 4:15 am swim alarm and have been sleeping like a champ. That is not going to get me where I need to be though. 

I am going to turn that 4:15 alarm back on and mix it up. Some days it will be swimming.. Other days it will be the machines. Some days I will make a 2nd morning trip to the gym to do the opposite of what I did that morning. I am also going to walk for an hour at the park on the evenings that Nathan is taking his Taekwondo class. Come join me at the park if you would like,  I can't be the speedy walker or jogger/runner that I was, but I will be walking and the is progress.

I am going to be blogging a few times a week and it will be all about my journey and how I am not eating my feelings anymore. There will probably be some dog stories mixed in, pithy observations, sharing my lusting after potato chips (I have a body by Lay's), a moody post or 12, Nathan antidotes and a paragraph or 2 only sore muscles. There will also be pictures and a guaranteed swear word or 7 and guaranteed honesty, the truth doesn't have to be pretty, just the truth. The good, the bad and the ugly. 

I would love if you came along with me on this journey. I need cheerleaders and folks to kick my ass, holding me accountable.  

I Made A Promise

I'M BACK BABY!  Last night it hit me, like a ton of bricks!  I had made a promise to Nathan and I was no longer keeping it.

When I lost my first 20 lbs, Nathan said to me that he couldn't wait until I got skinny.  I asked why, thinking he would say that he wanted to run and play and have me be more active with him.  He turned to me and said that when he hugs me that he wants his arms to reach all the way around me and to have his fingers touch.  He was being his sweet 8 year old self, honestly telling me his want.  It broke my heart and inspired me all at once.  I promised him that this would happen, that nothing was going to get in the way of the best finger touching hug ever!

I was doing it.  I lost 90 lbs and while there were trials and tribulations in there, my goal was a part of me.  I did not cheat with bad food.  I went cold turkey on potato chips.  I went to the gym 5 days a week and worked my schedule around my gym time.  I was succeeding.  Nathan would do a hug check every so often and then one day his hands were closer than they had ever been.  We were getting there, we were close!

Then September 24, 2012 happened.  I had a horrible injury at the gym.  I broke bones in my foot, I ripped tendons, muscles and ligaments from my bones, my ankle separated with nothing to hold it together.  I naively thought I could get a boot from the Dr and carry on, not missing a beat.  That was not even close to being what happened.  I was told I had the worst injury I could have and the injury I had was the worst of the worst.  I was going to need surgery; titanium pins, rods and screws.  I was going to be on bed rest for a long long time.  Recovery was going to be long.  I broke down and started weeping right there in the Dr's office.  This couldn't be.  I had just found my MOJO again and now I was going to spend months in bed.  Not using my right foot at all.  The foot that throbbed if you looked at it, the foot that was the size of a football.

 I was crushed.  I will skip the steps it took to get me to today and walking again.  It was a long and dark period.

It is as good as it gets.  That's what the surgeon told me.  He was happy with my progress, saying this was as good as it gets.  My bones knitted.  Knitted a little off center.  My toes are missing pieces of bones.  My ankle is tight and stiff.  I can feel a rainstorm 3 days before it hits.  My foot still gets tired.  I am grateful to be walking.  Grateful for no surgery.  I was only able to tie my sneaker last month because the swelling went down enough.  It is as good as it gets.

Fast forward to August 2, 2013 and I was looking at some pictures I had on my computer and saw my strong self.  The self that was losing weight, walked taller, stronger than I have ever been in my life, feeling great about myself and my progress.

 I then saw some pictures of Nathan and that is when it hit me.

I was not keeping my promise to him.  I had let my injury take from me something so important.  Take something so important from Nathan.  I realized that he still hugs me all the time, but there is no exciting finger touching checks.  I had let injuries become excuses, limitations become road blocks, let fear become avoidance.  Bad eating and riding the couch had become the norm.

Then I had my light bulb moment, my ah ha moment last night. Yes, I am not as strong as I was, I may never be able to do a plank again, my stamina and endurance sucks, my desire for the gym was nil, I gained weight back and I didn't care.  NONE OF THAT MATTERS!!  True, I am not as strong as I was a year ago, I am stronger than I was 2 years ago.  My first plank lasted all of 5 seconds 2 years ago.  My last plank a year ago was 1 minute and 20 seconds! Even with the weight gain, I don't weigh what I weighed 2 years ago.

What matters is my promise to Nathan.  I made a promise and I am keeping that promise.  I am starting from today, August 5, 2013.  Not 2 years ago.  Not September 24, 2012.  The past is the past and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.  I will make today matter.  I will make good choices for today.  Today I matter.  Today I will keep my promise to Nathan.

I LOVE YOU NATHAN AND OUR FINGER TOUCHING HUG IS BACK ON TRACK

If I give up now, then what was the point of everything?

These last 6 months have sucked! SUCKED BIG TIME!

When I was injured back in September 2012, who knew that 6 months later I would still be fighting to get my mojo back?  Not only has it been a physically frustrating 6 months, it has been enormously hard emotionally as well.  I feel myself slipping away from what my goals were, still are.  I had lost 80 ish lbs when I was injured and now I believe I have gained 20, dare I say 30 lbs back over these 6 months.  My eating habits suck, my motivation is nil, my healthy attitude gone!  How the hell did this happen?  I was supposed to be fighting to lose the last of my weight at this stage, to be toning up?

Nathan has his 5th grade graduation in less than 2 months.  I was supposed to be rocking the new me.  I am not even at the 80 ish lbs gone me anymore!  I am hating this.  How do I get back to my work our routine?  How do I find a new routine?  I have joined a new gym for various reasons and while it works, it is not my old comfortable gym stomping grounds.  I miss my old machines, my routine there, the comfort level.  I enlisted my husband to go with me, and he is a great motivator to get up and get going in the am as he is a real morning person (bastard :) ).  Summer will be here soon and then before I know it, my brother is getting married NYE 2013.  I am supposed to be looking fierce then.

 How do I find the mindset to go from depression of mojo lost to fierce in 9 months.  I once had it, I didn't have to find it, it found me.  I made promises to Nathan, to myself.  I want to keep those promises, to feel better, to look better, to be better.  How do I get there?  I am still afraid to go balls to the wall like I used to for fear of making my foot worse.  I can't do any weight bearing exercises and am limited to upper body.  Yeah, I know, poor me, only being able to work out the upper body. I just don't feel like myself anymore.  The pre injury Kelly that would and could do anything to the hobbled Kelly that I am not a fan of.

I have the tools, the skills, the want, the need, the desire.  I just flat out feel like a failure.  I loved when people would tell me looking good, you inspire me, way to go, honk their horns when I was out walking.  I miss that and with the way I feel and look, all of that is gone.  I can't walk like I did, I don't look like I did.  I don't feel like I did.  In addition to feeling like I am on a slide backwards with no way off, I also have to re-lose the weight I gained.  Talk about a fast track to the bottom of the barrel.

Maybe getting this off my chest will help.  Maybe if I put it out there, the universe will send me my inspiration.  Maybe seeing this in black and white will get me off my ass and motivate me.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.  I want a definitive!  I want my mojo back!  can you hear me? I WANT MY MOJO BACK!!  I WANT TO GIVE A DAMN AGAIN!!  I WANT TO SUCEED!!

As Good As It Gets

It has been a long almost 4 months. Really, really, really long! I had my Dr appointment today to see how my injured foot has healed.  I have come so far, and am eagerly awaiting good news.  Please let it be good news!  I need it to be good news!  I need to get my new years commitments underway, and I mean now.  I have such a good feeling about today that I put my right foot sneaker in the car, the sneaker I haven't seen for 4 months.

My appointment was for 9 am and apparently everyone hurt themselves over the weekend and I was not called back until about 9:45.  I was so nervous when they called my name, my heart was just about beating out of my chest. I walked back to the exam room and answered the usual questions and gleefully took off my boot, ready for the Dr to pronounce me ready to hit the gym.
The Dr comes in and asks how it feels.  I tell him that it is stiff and tires easily, however it feels great!  The only pain I have is where he had to slice my foot open to drain it.  He laughs and says I probably want to punch him.  I tell him it is a double edge sword.  I am so grateful for what he has done to help me and yet I am not a fan of the pain of the nerves trying to find their partner and reconnect.  He asks me if I can stand on it and I say that I no longer wear the boot for 3 am bathroom trips and standing in the shower is now safe.  He asks me to stand on it and I gleefully leap up from the exam chair and proudly stand on my foot.  He tells me I need to have some x- rays and they will be in in a minute for me. I am beaming.  They come to get me and I walk, yes walk to the x-ray room.  This is a far cry from the wheelchair I needed to get there, where it hurt to just look at my foot.  I gladly apply pressure to my foot for the x-rays.  I skillfully change direction and positions with my foot.  I am on cloud 9. (Not to mention that when they gave me a "belt" with a lead cape to wear around my waist for protection from possible pregnancy <the Virgin Mary has a better chance of being pregnant than me>, it went around my waist and even had extra when fastened.  This would not have happened all those pounds ago).  I walk back to my exam room and wait.  I can hear the Dr in the hall, here he comes...Damn, went next door.

In walks the Dr and he is smiling.  Could it be?  Am I ready to be bootless? Can I now wear matching shoes? Can I move my seat back to my original comfy position when I drive?  Can I go to the gym.  He pulls up my x-rays and we look at them.  He is happy with them.  The pinky toe has knitted nicely, albeit it with a huge chunk of bone missing.  He says that since the bones are arched, the weight bearing part will be fine.  The toe next to the pinky toe has also knitted nicely and there is a much smaller chunk of bone missing.  The bone didn't line up perfectly, however he is happy with it.  He says I don't have to see him anymore, this is as good as it gets.  He laughs and says, I know you love me, but we are done.  I sputter and then grin.  Grin like a Cheshire Cat.  I ask about going to the gym and he tells me that I can go.  NO weight bearing exercises, NO squats (damn...NOT), and NO CALF RAISES! The calf raises were the exercise that cost me these 4 months.  I said I don't see me doing calf raises until I am about 104 years old. I am so happy.  The Dr said since my foot is still so stiff, I can transition slowly from boot to sneaker.  He said if I am going to be shopping at Costco for a few hours, to wear the boot. Take it easy and if in 3-4 months it is not better, come back and see him.  As wonderful and as appreciative I am of him and all his help to get me to this point, I never want to see his office again.  If I should see him while I am out walking it matching shoes, that is a whole other story.

I practically float out of the office and skip to my car, skip as well as one can in a boot that doesn't let your foot bend.  I hop in the car and sit there for a few minutes truly appreciating the news I just got.  I went back over the last 4 months in my mind.  The devastation of possible surgery, the depression, the anger, the being on bed rest for 3 months, the pain, oh god the pain, the immobility, the anger from my husband, the not being able to take my son to school, my wonderful friend Judi that stepped in to get Nathan back and forth to school for months, the halting of my gym workouts, the not eating well, the whole horrible, ugly, painful, depressing, 4 months.  I am so grateful that those months are behind me, that I now can start looking forward again.  I have so many plans for this year and now I can start making those plans happen.

Thursday January 9th, 2013 is the day I pick up where I left off.  I hope you will all come along with me on my journey.

I am not making resolutions for 2013. Or any other year for that matter.

For the last few days, I have been gearing up for the start of the new year, trying to come up with resolutions that will help me in the year to come.  I was having a hard time finding resolutions that "fit" me.  I then decided I wasn't going to make resolutions. I am going to make life commitments. Resolutions are what you say your are going to do.  Resolutions set me up for failure. Commitments are things to be worked on, on a daily basis.

This are my commitments to myself and everyone else (in no particular order):

• Being the best me that I can be
• Being kinder to myself
• Making the best choices I can in the moment
• Don't berate myself over said choices. It's done, move on
• Count  my blessings
• Share my blessings
• Be grateful for my blessings
• Accept that I will be wrong AND make mistakes
• Eat more green things
• Say nice things about others
• Choose to be happy
• Move every day
• Smile
• Get out of my comfort zone
• Forgive and move on
• Make a difference
• Listen more, talk less
• I am a work in progress

2013 will be a year to continue to work on my promise to Nathan.  I promised and am committed to achieving my weight loss goal.  I did so well in 2011 and then 2012 knocked me down every chance it had.  I also played into the bad set of circumstances because it was easy to go with the flow.  I felt defeated and run over.  The foot injury was a horrible blow for me.  I had just found my mojo again and was going gangbusters at the gym.  When the Dr told me that I might need surgery and would be on bed rest for months, I let out a horrible cry and burst into tears and cried huge ugly tears.  The man setting my cast told me over and over it would be ok, hugged me and told me that I will get there and that I am a strong, beautiful woman (I didn't believe him).  Why me? Why now?  I have come so far and now this huge roadblock is in front of me.  After literally spending 2 months in bed, not using my right foot, I was defeated.  I thought I would rebound in 2 weeks and start exercising at home.  I tried.  I couldn't.  My foot was so bad.  It hurt to not have it raised.  It was a pain in the ass to get out of bed.  To go to the bathroom.  To take a sponge bath.  To get comfortable in bed.  I ate snacks in bed, there were no meals.  I tried to cook, but I couldn't stand and even with the scooter only cooked less than 5 times.  I was miserable, depressed, defeated and just plain ole gave up.  I go back in a week to see the progress of my foot and with the Dr's OK, I will be looking for a new gym and am going to work back up to where I was.  It will be frustrating, because I know what I was able to do and where I am now.  That's OK (kind of, sort of).  I have to start somewhere.  I will just put one foot in front of the other and make it happen.  I realized timeframes for losing weight and changing ones life is futile and served no purpose other than to make me feel bad.  

So my dear sweet Nathan, here it is.  I promise you that in 2013 you will be able to hug me and your arms will go all the way around me and your fingers touch.  I promise you that I will not let either of us down.  You will not have a fat Mom all of your life.  I promise.  

I love you my sweet boy.

I'm Baaaaaack!!

I had such high hopes heading into 2012.  My weight loss was doing wonderfully, down about 90 lbs and then I did that stupid vegan cleanse that I posted about and well, it sucked.  I rebounded and then almost decapitated my thumb.  Rebounded again and then September 24th I had a horribleincident at the gym (If I had stayed home on FB and ate milk and cookies this never would have happened) and broke a few bones in my foot, ripped all the ligaments, muscles and tendons in my ankle.  I was lucky that my Dr is the one of the top 2 guys here in New Mexico.  He told me that I 95% needed surgery and could not be on my foot for months and must stay in bed with my foot elevated.  I was devastated, crushed, defeated.  For 8 weeks, I hopped everywhere on my left foot, (about 1,800 hops a day) and my core got quite the workout.  I went back each week and they gave me a new cast because my foot was too swollen to put a permanent on it.  The Dr said it was looking good and on my 3rd ish visit with him, surgery was no longer on the table.  I never let my foot touch the ground (not to mention that if it was lowered, the pressure brought me to tears) and took Arnica. I won't even go into the slicing of my foot to drain it, and the 6 shots of Lidocane that did NOT numb my foot.  I tried going 2 weeks without pain meds, and then finally I was given a script for Vicodin 2 at a time 4x a day (the injury was the worst of the worst I could have) and I only took about 1/2 of that. I graduated to a scooter that I knelt on and wheeled about.  The freedom was wonderful, but my leg rebelled every time it was wasn't elevated for longer than 10 minutes, getting in and out of high vehicles was an exercise in frustration, humility, laughter and inappropriate touching. I have now been in a space boot for about 5 weeks that allows me to walk.  I have to strap 6 velcro straps and then pump it up.  I am able to drive now, but have to take boot off because my foot doesn't bend in the boot.  So if I drive, I strap in, pump up, walk to car, deflate, unstrap and put on a sandal. If I want to get out of the car, I have to take off sandal, strap em up and inflate.  Try going on errands with me...oy  I did 10 stops one day and was worn out.  At least I didn't have the hole in my shorts that day and flash everyone every time I bent over to put my boot on and off. :)  I go back in a week to see how my foot is.  My bones separated a bit, however I will still be able to pound on the treadmill and do my squats. Good thoughts please.

My food bank is going gangbusters!!  I have renamed it Generous Hearts and registered it with the IRS with an EIN#.  The name is courtesy of JPT from a sampler that she made when she was a young girl.  A full cupboard bespeaks a generous heart. (Did I get that right Julia?). A few months ago, I was asked if Generous Hearts would be willing to be filmed and then the video shown to donors.  I said YES!  I always do anything I can to help further ending hunger.  The video, not including the outside/farm parts is about 90% Generous Hearts and I am so proud of it.  The blond single mom is from my distribution (among a few of the others).  Here is the linkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsYaP2jjnrE&feature=youtu.be.  When I started this a little over 2 years ago, I had 5 people show up, last month we fed 708 people!  I have huge plans for Generous Hearts.  I am also going to have a "Home Goods" type of give away with clothing, pots, pans, blankets, small appliances and then bring in the free mobile medical care and hopefully add another elementary school.  Then hopefully have a 10 ton distribution at the parks this summer once a month where they have the free breakfast/lunch programs. 

My brother just got engaged 3 days ago and is getting married NYE 2013 in Philadelphia and it is going to be a nighttime elegant wedding.  My goal is to get back on track eating and going to the gym in anticipation of the wedding and life.  I think I have gained about 12-15 lbs since being on bed rest and getting lazy.  My smaller clothing still fits, so I am very relieved and not going to stress it. I am going to start blogging again athttp://mylifeat120wpm.blogspot.com/?zx=7e6996823add136e to keep myself on track and have a most amazing year documented.  Nathan is my inspiration and I made a promise to him, and I am never going to break that promise.  It has taken me longer than I anticipated, but it is going to happen.  Nathan said he couldn't wait until I got skinny, so that when he hugged me, his arms went all the way around me and his fingers touched.  When I started this, his arms went maybe halfway around me, we are now 3-4" from them touching. I still have at least 100 lbs to lose, possibly 125 lbs.  I know, and I have already lost 90ish!  I was out of control, so out of control.  

I am in for the eating from the pantry for the month of January. Some of you might recall I did a similar challenge last year and all the chaos that ensued.  I however am game again. Before reading of the challenge I decided to bake today.  I made rice krispy treats with a 1/2 bag of marshmallows and a few cups of snap crackle pop.  I made apple turnovers with wrinkly apples (had to peel them anyway), made banana muffins with my black frozen bananas, 3 huge containers of fudge to use up some chocolate in the freezer.  I added heath bits and marshmallows to different batches.  I also have been making my sons, husbands and husbands helper lunch everyday for the past few months.  Hubby stopped taking lunch because the other guy wasn't bringing his.  I was fed up with them eating drive thru crap and $20 a day.  I said I would make his lunch too.  I did buy new thermoses for food and big one for hot beverages.  I now pack soups, hot chocolate, coffee, homemade goodies, fruits, veggies/dip, sandwiches, hard boiled eggs, pasta salads for all 3 every day. I do believe I can make 3 lunches a day, dinner for 3 and breakfast for 2 for the next month with what I have in my pantry.  My only exceptions are for me.  I don't eat meat and eat much cleaner than hubby and son.  I will get fresh fruits and veggies once a week, (and rolls for sandwiches) for me to stay on plan with eating well and juicing.  Everything else I have and can make.

Kelly

Being the best me that I can.

Week Two Off To a Great Start

Here I am, having survived week one of the Gym.  I am here to report that even with missing a day at the gym, and having pizza and a DQ ice cream nutterbutter bar, and not working out this weekend, I have lost weight!  I was getting dressed for the gym this morning and I remembered that I was going to weigh myself once a week.  I was not really looking forward to this weigh in because of the cheat day and also because I ate salt last night.  Salt makes my ankles swell and I retain as much water as the Hoover Dam.  I was still a tad bloated this morning and made the Michelin Man look like a size 2.  I got my scale out, tapped it to fire it up, and then stepped on, dreading what I might find.  I did not want to be disappointed with my first weeks results, and then feel bummed all this week about it.  I stepped on, held my breath and looked down to see if this would be a good week or a beat myself up week.  It is a good week!  I lost 10.5 pounds, let me type that again.  I lost 10.5 pounds!!!  I was (and still am) very pleased with myself and the effort I put forth.  I finished getting dressed with a little pep in my step.

I drop Nathan off at the sitters and head to the gym with a very positive attitude!  I get to the gym and the parking lot is packed! I mean packed, not a parking spot to be found!  The first thought that popped into my head was that I should just go home, because if the parking lot is full, the gym will be full too.  If I was a tiny size, I would love to sashay around the very full gym, however being the full figured gal I am, I was a little intimidated  and almost talked myself into going home.  I bargained with myself to drive around the parking lot one more time for a space and if there was not one, I would go home.  I had almost completed my circle when I saw some reverse lights, stopped and put on my blinker.  I parked, gave myself a pep talk, got my stuff and headed in.  I am so glad I stayed, the gym was not packed, there were people in classes, and it was the best workout I think I have had!

I jumped on the treadmill (one opened as soon as I approached them) and got my groove on.  I walked at a 7 incline at 2.2 and 2.4 mph for 65 minutes, with my heart rate staying between 150 and 154 the entire time!  This is a HUGE improvement from just a week ago when I was walking at about flat and a 2 incline and 1 and 1.2 mph with mini hop off breaks in the 30 minute time period I walked.  I did have to stop once today,  because as I mentioned in an earlier posting, I can not walk and drink water at the same time.  I was so thirsty and so so sweaty!  I realized that even with that 10 second hop off break, it affected my treadmill mojo.  I am going to have to learn to walk and drink, I can talk and type, so how hard can this be?

Last week I added a single extra rep to each exercise, making each machine total 105 reps by the end of the week.  Well I decided that I would start this week with 110 reps on each machine and them add one each day, ending with 115 on Friday.  Come next Monday, I will stay at 115 reps and add 5 lbs more to my arm exercises and 10 more to my leg exercises.  That is the game plan, however I am going to play it by ear.  I worked my arms hard today and totally wanted to stop on this new machine I tried, and after 20 reps, I almost did.  I had another pep talk with myself and said that I was not leaving this machine until all 110 reps were done, no matter how long it took!  This machine was where you sit down and lift your arms straight in the air, one at a time with weights on a pulley type rope.  It was torture for me!  It was hard and I so wanted to not finish it!  I made a rule with myself that I must stay at the machine (any machine) until I am done and the reps have to be done in sets of 10, no if ands or butts! Yes, I can even be a bitch to myself...lol.  Well it took me about 8 minutes to do 115 reps, however I did it!  I was again proud of myself for sticking with it!  I normally would have made myself do 115 reps on each arm, however I did not use this machine at all last week, and it is by far the hardest for me for my arms.  I did another arm rep one and I must have been on a workout high as I did 120 reps on each arm....I just kept going and going and now I can so feel it  (am using my nose to type...lol)!    So I worked out for a solid 2 1/2 hours, and worked out HARD!  I went to my last arm machine before I had to go get Nathan.  My arms were like Jello, however I was going to do this!  I set my weight and did 10 reps and my arms were just physically spent!  I told myself that I was not leaving until I did 115 reps, so I removed 10 lbs and finished it, so very glad that this was it.  My arms were shaking when I was done, and again I was proud of myself for making myself suck it up and just do it!

My sitter is not going to be able to watch Nathan for a week in June and about 10 or so days in July.  He is too old for the toddler room and too young to stay by himself, so I was wondering how I was going to solve this, as I really do not want to miss 20 or so days of working out.  Then I remembered that the gym opens at 4:30 am.  Is it possible to work out while still sleeping?  I figure that I can still get in my 2 1/2 hours and be home just in time for Hubby to leave for work.  Not my favorite option, however it is very doable and that is what I am going to do!  Call me Nike, just do it!

Today was awesome!!!

I went to the gym with a new/renewed sense of what my goal is and had a GREAT workout!  I got on a treadmill first thing, no waiting!  It would not let me do the goal setting that I have been using, so I had to try something else and it was even better! The first 2 days on the treadmill, I had a few hills to go up and down and I took many 10 second breaks on the side of the treadmill while going up hill.  Today I did 65 minutes (double the first 2 days) with a bathroom break (note to self, not so much water before I hit the gym...lol) at the 30 minute mark and I set the incline to 7-8 and walked at 2.0 mph.  I did not stop for a few seconds on the side of the treadmill, I just lowered the incline a bit.  I was determined not to stop today and succeeded at my goal!  I also was next to this very nice lady on one side and we talked for about 25 minutes, I was a bit winded, but I could talk.  The woman on the other side of me told me I did a good job for sticking with it and patted me on the shoulder.  It was a good treadmill day!  I learned that I could walk and talk, I however can NOT walk and drink, not at all.  I opened my water bottle and I did manage to take the smallest sip and the rest of my water wound up all over the front of my shirt.  I am not counting it as a total loss, as it was a nice refreshing cool down for a minute.

I was sweating so much today!  I did 100 reps on all machines and have decided to add 1 extra rep each day, so it was actually 101 reps on all machines today.  I am also adding 1 new machine each day so that I try all of them and see what I really like and what I will have to come back to, when I have a tad more confidence in looking so silly by standing on one leg and swinging the other back and fourth while my backside shakes and shimmies for all to see.  It is a work in progress.  I was so tired on my last arm machine, that when I got to to 20 I so wanted to give up!  It took me 3x's as long to do my 100 reps on this machine, but at each 10 count, I rested my arms for a minute and I did 101 reps on that machine.  I finished it, even though I so wanted to give up.  I like the feeling of accomplishment and pushing through even though every muscles in my arms were screaming, screaming nasty names to me....lol

I do have to find a larger water bottle.  Between the spillage and just gulping it down, I was really thirsty today.  Yes there is a water fountain, however I have seen what people are doing at the water fountain....lol.  I saw a few guys with old gallon milk jugs and while I am not quite ready to guzzle a gallon of water in 2 hours, I definitely need a larger one than my 12 oz size.

I noticed people carrying around small towels with them, and if you don't have one, the gym will "rent" you a small one for $.25 and a large one for $.50....just ewwww.  So I see these people wiping down their machines, before and after they use them.  That would be really great, except you are just swishing the sweat around and moving sweat from one machine to the next.  I also saw these very same people throw their towels on the floor after they wiped the machine before they used it and then picking the towel off the dirty sweat soaked (among SO many other things) floor and then wipe the machine down after they use it.  In what world does this work?  I am a bit (well a HUGE) germaphobe and if I think about this, or watch this any longer, I will never set foot in there again.  I have ordered horse blinders and a plastic bubble that should hopefully be here by Monday so I can exercise germ free and not see things I wish I had never seen in the first place!  Did I mention people also blow their noses in these towels, wipe their oh so sweaty parts...the same towels they are wiping the machines down with?  I sure hope I checked expedited shipping!

Can't wait for tomorrow!  Have a good one all!

I fell off the wagon

I had such good intentions when I went to bed last night! I did not give into my potato chip cravings (and they are fierce!) I went to bed and did not sleep well at all, waking wide awake every half hour! I got up this morning with a call from my husband, who was on the couch in the den. He has had a horribly painful case of gout since Monday afternoon and has been on the couch so I do not accidentally hurt his leg while sleeping. He asked me to get him something to eat as he had just taken a pain pill and it would upset his empty stomach. For Rick to take a pain pill it is serious. He drove himself to the hospital in the middle of the night once after suffering for 3 days with a kidney stone attack, never even letting on that he was in pain. He has sliced his lip with a saw that slipped when he was working and was just going to put electrical tape on it, until a guy that works for him drove him to the ER. I was so sore that it took me a bit to get the "courage" to sit upright and get out of bed...lol. I decided to call Nathan's sitter and tell her that I would be staying home with Rick in case he decided to go to urgent care (but did jokingly offer her double if I could drop Rick off too....lol). To be honest it was a cop out. I could have gone, I went yesterday when he was on the couch. It was just that an "excuse presented itself and I leaped at it.



I was berating myself all day for not going to the gym (on only my 3rd day at this new goal) and reading emails from the Compact when another member was berating herself for what she felt she had not lived up to. I was right there along side of her, having a pity party for myself for "failing" in what I set out to do. Then came the email that changed my perspective and my attitude. I am going to copy the email and give Julia all the credit and thanks!



Julia wrote: I think we should have a Compact rule -- maybe martial law or something with mandatory jail time -- about saying "I'm a f------." Normal people make mistakes. No one's perfect. Change is hard.

Acceptable alternatives:

"I fell off the wagon. Oh, well."

"I ate cake and I don't care who knows it."

"Doh! I hadn't planned on eating out but that's what we did."

"Wow, lucky us -- we got to celebrate a family milestone in style..."

"I'm tired tonight and will order pizza.





Love from one who has finally shed the F word from her self-evaluation.





Julia put into words just the right thing at the right time (she is good that way) to let me give myself a little slack and remember that change is indeed hard and there will be days (moments) where I am more successful than others and to keep getting back up and trying to do my best.



Today turned out not so bad at all as a matter of fact. I got to spend time with my husband and son and we sat around in our pj's watching tv and having fun. We even had my husbands son and nephew stop by to bring something to Rick for his Gout. We ordered pizza and watched some movies, laughed, and I got to know my nephew a lot better. He has moved to town to go to UNM in the fall and I am really liking getting to know him. I have only met him about 3 or 4 times before this as he lives 4 hours away and I wasn't even part of the family until he was about 14 (he is now 24). Nathan thinks he is way cool and had a blast with him. So after beating myself up for failing not being "perfect", my day turned out pretty good after all. Yes, I had pizza, however I also had fruits and veggies and plenty of water, and since I am being honest, I had a DQ ice cream that was in the freezer. I did NOT however have multiple soda's, chips and junk food, so that right there is something I can be proud of.



Not a "perfect" day by any means, however I am so OK with that....better than OK actually!



So here is to a new beginning and new choices tomorrow and to me getting that treadmill first!

It hurts to blink!

I thought I would be sore this morning, I was so the opposite of sore when I got out of bed this morning.  NOW is a totally different story!

I popped right out of bed this am, almost forgetting that I worked out for 2 hours yesterday at the gym.  I could feel that I worked out dormant muscles, yet it I was not stiff or sore at all.  Does this mean that yesterdays exercises don't count?  I got dressed and got Nathan and I out the door and headed to the gym feeling limber and ready to "Sweat to the Oldies".  I get to the gym and it is packed, well really just the cardio area is packed.  There is no treadmill available, lots of bikes and ellipticals open....sorry, I am not hauling my wide load up 4' in the air to make it easier to see the junk in my trunk thank you very much!  I decide to do my machines first, as I really am not into "riding" the bike and not burning as many calories as the treadmill does.  I am sorry that I realized that yesterday, as it now seems that I am doing all the work and getting 1/2 the results by using the bike vs the treadmill.  I have decided to not focus on my stats and I will compare them once a month so see my progress.

So I head to my favorite machine in the whole gym, the super leg press.  I set it to 100 lbs and lay down and prepare to do 100 reps.  I do 1 and 2 and then on the 3rd rep, OMG the 3rd rep makes me know that I DID workout yesterday! My thigh muscles clearly were not amused to be working this hard again, and I do believe they called me a @#$%^& as they screamed out in pain!  I had 97 more to do! 97!  The pain was akin to the 85 hours of labor I had, the difference being I could not walk away from the contractions, however I could walk away from the machine.  I made myself do all 100 and felt proud of myself that I did not give up!  I need to remember that I will be sore for a little bit and it is a good thing.

I get off the machine and see that there is an empty treadmill, so I head on over.  I am almost there, and then it happens!  I am apparently in a race with another person for the only available treadmill and I saw it first.  I keep walking towards the treadmill, thinking since I started walking towards it first, it was mine, kind of like having my blinker on waiting for a parking space. I was so wrong, apparently there are no rules when a treadmill becomes available!  I was almost there, so close, it was almost mine and then this sweet old man got off a machine right in front of me and I had to stop in my tracks.  He is part of the Silver Sneaker set and it took him a bit to start walking after he got right in my way....lol  Needless to say I lost my treadmill.  I do however believe it was a conspiracy as the person who was now walking on "my" treadmill is also a member of the Silver Sneaker group.  It was a conspiracy and I am certain that there were hand signals involved!  I am on to you Silver Sneakers!

I accept my defeat and mumble over to another machine to go work my bat wings.  The machine I am on is inches away from the mirror that I am not a fan of!  Not only do I get to see myself, I get to see the ugly faces that I make as I do my reps.  I seem to be the only one that is not a fan of the mirror.  I watch people watching themselves in the mirror.  I see men staring at their butts as they squat, watching their pecs as they flex, women watching themselves bend and men watching those women...OH PLEASE!  I am done with my people watching and my arms and slyly look in the mirror to see if there is a free treadmill....There is!

I don't get my hopes up and nonchalantly grab my water and  head across the gym towards the cardio area.    There are no Silver Sneakers in my path, so I feel victory and pull my earphones out of my pocket and can almost feel the burn.....NOOOOOOO!  Out of nowhere a size triple 0 weaves  her way through the cardio area and hops on the treadmill.  Do you people not see my blinker, blinking away showing that I saw it first and it is mine?  I am not enjoying today, not at all!  I do a few more machines and finally resign myself to the bikes.

I am all situated on the bike, plugged in my earphones and getting ready to watch the ladies of the View. I am 2 minutes in and I sense movement behind me, movement that sounds like a treadmill stopping!  I turn my head as far as it will go and make eye to zipper contact with a man giving it all he has on the elliptical.  Hi, nice to meet you, come here often?  I turn my head just a bit more and see an open treadmill and as soon as I see it, a man sees me seeing it and he runs over and puts his gloves on it and then goes finish talking to his friend!  Are you kidding me!  DUDE!  If I could lift my leg, I would so kick your ass!  NO worries, as I am turning my head back, I see one open up.  I jump up out of my seat, my earphones popping out of my ears and me almost knocking over the bike (how embarrassing would that have been?).  I grab my earphones and my water and run/walk to the treadmill.  I made it, it is mine and I jump on.  I am so happy! (Really Kelly?  Happy to be on a treadmill?)  I plug in my headphones and program in my stats and as soon as I start walking the sound in my ears is deafening!  Note to self:  Make sure volume is not at Silver Sneaker volume.  After my hard won treadmill cardio workout, I step off and turn to leave and see the following sign "Treadmill time limit is 30 minutes when people are waiting"  Can we get this sign in bright neon and place it on EVERY treadmill.  I do believe I am the only one who has ever read this sign...I would laugh at this, but it hurts too much!

New Beginnings

I was so excited last night that I did not fall asleep until almost 2:30 and was up at 6:30 and hit the snooze alarm until 7ish.  That was a really bad bad decision...


I got up in what I thought was plenty of time to get all my morning things done...what was I thinking?  I was tired after not enough sleep and was functioning in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n.  I had planned on making myself a healthy smoothie and sitting down to enjoy it, then getting Nathan up and dressed to take him to the sitters.  Well you know what they say about the best laid plans.   I got dressed and headed to the kitchen to make my smoothie and apparently there was a party in the kitchen and no one cleaned up after themselves, so there went having counter space make my smoothie ( I was a little nervous about trying a fruit and veggie laden liquid breakfast before hitting the gym anyway, know what I mean), my body is used to a diet cherry pepsi and what ever bag of cracker/chip/pretzel is open.  I go to get Nathan up and moving and he is not in his bed and that means that Dad let him stay up really late watching movies and playing video games.  Rick fell asleep on the couch as well (probably right after the snack and video fest), so I knew that Nathan would be tired this am and be slow moving.  (I found out tonight that "the boys" were up until 3 am!)  Well Nathan popped right up when I reminded him that he was going to the sitters and gets to see Harley as well.  He is zipping around and very happy to be up!  


I go to grab my keys and I can not find them!  Looked for 20 minutes (I build some extra time in my schedule until I get it in gear) and they can not be found and are probably under the dishes on the counter....grrrr.  Well I grab Rick's keys, start the car and everything starts moving!  His settings are in his key and the gas pedal is moving, the mirrors are adjusting, the seat is moving back and down....I am not amused!  I reset everything to as close as I can get to what I like and we are finally off.  I drop Nathan off and he walks into the house like he does this every day and I am left standing in the front door courtyard without a hug or so much as a "see  you later Mom".  The sitter must see my need for a hug, so she hugs me and says have fun at the gym (really, fun?)  She says to call if I need anything and I tell her to do the same, thinking I will have to hold myself back from checking in every 42 seconds.  I get  back to the car and get in and hubby's #$%^&* key resets everything to his preferences again!!  It is going to be a long day.


I get to the gym and find a spot and sit there for just a minute to gather my courage to walk through those front doors and into New Beginnings.  I grab my earphones, water bottle, phone and the bleeping keys.  I sashay over to the doors and exude a confidence I really do not feel.  I go to find the scanner to scan my membership card and DOH!  I have hubby's keys and no membership card.  So me who is trying to be as inauspicious as possible, has now created a bottleneck at the check in...grrrr.  So I get checked in and put one foot in front of the other and make myself keep walking.  I find a stationary bike and settle in to cycle along with Regis and Kelly.  I program in my stats, put in my earphones and settle in for a 30 minute ride with the very perky Kelly Ripa.  Well Kelly and I did not get much time together as the man who sat next to me had a visitor that chatted and chatted and chatted, and was quite loud.  No matter how high I adjusted my volume and no matter how far I tried to push my earphones down into my ear canal, I could hear nothing but this chatty woman!  I learned she is a cat lover and has many cats and that  one of them is quite sick and the vet has told her that the cat will tell her when it is time for the "cat to go".  I kept chanting go away, please go away in my head, chanting in her direction, but she did not seem to be getting the message.  I really hope that the cat fares better than I did!  So finally my 30 minutes are up and I look at my stats expecting to see that it shows that I rode the equivalent of the state of New Mexico and burned hundreds of calories, as my shirt was damp and my legs felt like they had just auditioned for a Jello Jigglers commercial with Bill Cosby.   Well it seems that New Mexico is only 4 miles, much smaller than I anticipated!  I did manage to keep my heart rate at an optimal rate for the entire time and I burned a whopping 76 calories, so now I am going to be able to have that carrot after all! Are you kidding me?  I am sticky, damp and had to listen to the demise of a cat and I only burned 76 calories?!?!?! This is going to be a long journey people!


I decide that I will try the treadmill for another 30 minutes so I go and plug my info in and start walking and walking and walking.  Did I mention that I was walking?  I am all by myself, feeling good, walking up hills, making the incline steeper and feeling good.  Then I get a treadmill neighbor, a sweet grandfather in 1970's shorts that I really wish left more to the imagination...I think that I will bump up my incline a little more and show grandpa how hills are done.  Well that cockiness was oh so short lived as "leave nothing to the imagination grandpa" starts to run and I mean RUN!  I slowly guide my finger to the incline button and decide hills are over rated anyway.  I get a new neighbor on the other side and she is toned and sculpted and molded to within an inch of perfection (translation: she has a great doctor).  My  30 minutes are up and I look at my stats and while I am happy they are better than biking, they are still less than what I expected.  I walked 1.4 miles and burned 216 calories.  Hey it is a start, right?  I try to navigate off the treadmill between Barbie (who by the way would lose in Julia's no plastic throw down, if you know what I mean) and showing the goods grandpa, so as not to fall and to look as cool as I can.  My legs feel like they are made out of rubber bands as I walk to the water fountain to splash some water on my face.  I met up with another lady who has the same thought and we talk about how sticky we are and she says she hates it, yet she knows how good it is for the body and my response? "Yeah, my bra is all wet"  Really Kelly, my bra is wet?  OMG!  At least she laughs and says hers is too.  Thank goodness I only have to see her everyday now.


I have done an hour of cardio and decide it is time to hit the machines.  I love doing the machines and head right for my favorite leg one.  I have gone to the gym sporadically, very sporadically for a while and have learned what I like to use.  I do the super leg press and I set the weight at 90 lbs and do 100 reps, I then move to the chest incline and am feeling good.  I like the weight I can put on the machines and the amount of reps I can do.  I even had a trainer tell me that they were impressed with what I was able to do. I was feeling good, I had a bit of a pep to my step and sashayed to the next machine, set my weight and settle in to work my arms.  I happen to turn my head and catch myself in the mirror, yet I did not know it was me at first.  I really wish they would give you sunglasses at the front desk that would prohibit the mirrors from showing your reflection, as my mirror was saying "objects are larger than they appear".  It was not pretty, let me tell you!  I decide to move to another machine and am getting ready to leave when a parent from school comes by and starts chatting while waiting for the machine next to me.  Great!  Now I have to stay in front of this mirror, work out longer and chat all at once, and with a wet bra!


I have worked out now for 2 hours and decide to head for the car.  CRAP!  I really need to find my keys!  I hate hubby's settings in MY car...lol  I head for the post office (it is on my way) so that I can buy an envelope with a stamp so that I can pay for the RoadRunner MFP.  I should be in and out of there in 5 minutes.  I get inside and there are about 12 people in front of me.  The line seems to be moving, so I am not going to get annoyed.  No sooner than I say that, one of the two clerks closes his window and goes to lunch!!  Are you kidding me?  OK, so I think 10 minutes now, no biggie!  Well I will not go into details, but I was in line for 42 minutes!!!  I hate the post office.


I go get Nathan and he had a blast!  They played football, tag, played with Harley, chased the cats, watched cartoons, ate the fruit I sent over, ran around the back yard. He can't wait to go back tomorrow!  That makes me feel so good.  I can continue going to the gym and he can have fun while I am taking time for me.


We get home and all of the sudden I am so tired.  The no sleep last night, the gym today and all the energy spent changing the settings in the car (lol) have made me very tired.  I also drink about the equivalent of a ponds worth of water and know that I will pay later in my swishing down the hall to the bathroom.  My plan is to sit with Nathan for a bit while he shows me some moves on a video game and then go take a shower and see what we want to do.  Well I sit and promptly fall asleep!  Nathan was OK with that as my nap equaled more video game time...lol  Note to self, NO sitting the rest of the year!!!  We did not do anything else as when I went to get up, my body screamed in protest and it had gotten smokey outside again due to the fires in AZ.  I have yet to shower, so I am going to do that right now and take a handful of Aleve...


So there you have it, 1 day down, 364 more to go...