For the last few days, I have been gearing up for the start of the new year, trying to come up with resolutions that will help me in the year to come. I was having a hard time finding resolutions that "fit" me. I then decided I wasn't going to make resolutions. I am going to make life commitments. Resolutions are what you say your are going to do. Resolutions set me up for failure. Commitments are things to be worked on, on a daily basis.
This are my commitments to myself and everyone else (in no particular order):
- Being the best me that I can be
- Being kinder to myself
- Making the best choices I can in the moment
- Don't berate myself over said choices. It's done, move on
- Count my blessings
- Share my blessings
- Be grateful for my blessings
- Accept that I will be wrong AND make mistakes
- Eat more green things
- Say nice things about others
- Choose to be happy
- Move every day
- Smile
- Get out of my comfort zone
- Forgive and move on
- Make a difference
- Listen more, talk less
- I am a work in progress
2013 will be a year to continue to work on my promise to Nathan. I promised and am committed to achieving my weight loss goal. I did so well in 2011 and then 2012 knocked me down every chance it had. I also played into the bad set of circumstances because it was easy to go with the flow. I felt defeated and run over. The foot injury was a horrible blow for me. I had just found my mojo again and was going gangbusters at the gym. When the Dr told me that I might need surgery and would be on bed rest for months, I let out a horrible cry and burst into tears and cried huge ugly tears. The man setting my cast told me over and over it would be ok, hugged me and told me that I will get there and that I am a strong, beautiful woman (I didn't believe him). Why me? Why now? I have come so far and now this huge roadblock is in front of me. After literally spending 2 months in bed, not using my right foot, I was defeated. I thought I would rebound in 2 weeks and start exercising at home. I tried. I couldn't. My foot was so bad. It hurt to not have it raised. It was a pain in the ass to get out of bed. To go to the bathroom. To take a sponge bath. To get comfortable in bed. I ate snacks in bed, there were no meals. I tried to cook, but I couldn't stand and even with the scooter only cooked less than 5 times. I was miserable, depressed, defeated and just plain ole gave up. I go back in a week to see the progress of my foot and with the Dr's OK, I will be looking for a new gym and am going to work back up to where I was. It will be frustrating, because I know what I was able to do and where I am now. That's OK (kind of, sort of). I have to start somewhere. I will just put one foot in front of the other and make it happen. I realized timeframes for losing weight and changing ones life is futile and served no purpose other than to make me feel bad.
So my dear sweet Nathan, here it is. I promise you that in 2013 you will be able to hug me and your arms will go all the way around me and your fingers touch. I promise you that I will not let either of us down. You will not have a fat Mom all of your life. I promise.
I love you my sweet boy.
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