I fell off the wagon

I had such good intentions when I went to bed last night! I did not give into my potato chip cravings (and they are fierce!) I went to bed and did not sleep well at all, waking wide awake every half hour! I got up this morning with a call from my husband, who was on the couch in the den. He has had a horribly painful case of gout since Monday afternoon and has been on the couch so I do not accidentally hurt his leg while sleeping. He asked me to get him something to eat as he had just taken a pain pill and it would upset his empty stomach. For Rick to take a pain pill it is serious. He drove himself to the hospital in the middle of the night once after suffering for 3 days with a kidney stone attack, never even letting on that he was in pain. He has sliced his lip with a saw that slipped when he was working and was just going to put electrical tape on it, until a guy that works for him drove him to the ER. I was so sore that it took me a bit to get the "courage" to sit upright and get out of bed...lol. I decided to call Nathan's sitter and tell her that I would be staying home with Rick in case he decided to go to urgent care (but did jokingly offer her double if I could drop Rick off too....lol). To be honest it was a cop out. I could have gone, I went yesterday when he was on the couch. It was just that an "excuse presented itself and I leaped at it.



I was berating myself all day for not going to the gym (on only my 3rd day at this new goal) and reading emails from the Compact when another member was berating herself for what she felt she had not lived up to. I was right there along side of her, having a pity party for myself for "failing" in what I set out to do. Then came the email that changed my perspective and my attitude. I am going to copy the email and give Julia all the credit and thanks!



Julia wrote: I think we should have a Compact rule -- maybe martial law or something with mandatory jail time -- about saying "I'm a f------." Normal people make mistakes. No one's perfect. Change is hard.

Acceptable alternatives:

"I fell off the wagon. Oh, well."

"I ate cake and I don't care who knows it."

"Doh! I hadn't planned on eating out but that's what we did."

"Wow, lucky us -- we got to celebrate a family milestone in style..."

"I'm tired tonight and will order pizza.





Love from one who has finally shed the F word from her self-evaluation.





Julia put into words just the right thing at the right time (she is good that way) to let me give myself a little slack and remember that change is indeed hard and there will be days (moments) where I am more successful than others and to keep getting back up and trying to do my best.



Today turned out not so bad at all as a matter of fact. I got to spend time with my husband and son and we sat around in our pj's watching tv and having fun. We even had my husbands son and nephew stop by to bring something to Rick for his Gout. We ordered pizza and watched some movies, laughed, and I got to know my nephew a lot better. He has moved to town to go to UNM in the fall and I am really liking getting to know him. I have only met him about 3 or 4 times before this as he lives 4 hours away and I wasn't even part of the family until he was about 14 (he is now 24). Nathan thinks he is way cool and had a blast with him. So after beating myself up for failing not being "perfect", my day turned out pretty good after all. Yes, I had pizza, however I also had fruits and veggies and plenty of water, and since I am being honest, I had a DQ ice cream that was in the freezer. I did NOT however have multiple soda's, chips and junk food, so that right there is something I can be proud of.



Not a "perfect" day by any means, however I am so OK with that....better than OK actually!



So here is to a new beginning and new choices tomorrow and to me getting that treadmill first!