BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR! AKA NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS!

I was just thinking that it has been a few days since I had anything funny or interesting to write about and then, KABLAM, I now have a few things to share and I am not amused!


You all know about how my stove went on the fritz just as I embarked on my "No shopping, eat from the pantry challenge" and how frustrating that was for this challenge.  Well let me tell you, that was nothing!  Someone on The Compact issues a new challenge to not use the dryer and hang all clothing to be dried.  I did not take that challenge (however I now seem to be doing this challenge by default) as I was afraid of what could possibly happen as was demonstrated by my stove...ha ha.  I also have the garage door opener on my visor not working and when our mechanic came to the house to service the car, I went to show him and of course it worked right away and then when he left, it would not work again!  I was not about to tempt fate, however fate had other plans.


Today was the first day in a while that I just got to be home, all by myself, and I planned on enjoying it and all the quite that came with it.  I took Nathan to school today (a snow makeup day) and came home and noodled around on line for a bit under the guise of paying some bills (that I did not do) and drank a diet cherry pepsi at 9:45 am (yes I did) and had I known how today would play out I could have added a very healthy shot of something adult like as I would not be driving anywhere else for the rest of the day.  I jumped in the shower and took a scalding hot shower until the hot water was no more and I resembled a just cooked lobster.  It was wonderful and had been such a long time since I had total piece and quite for a nice long hot hot hot shower!  I also decided that since no one was home, I could be nekkid for a bit before I had to be an adult and put on some clothes.  It was so nice and so short lived!  


I was moving a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer and and went to turn on the dryer and nothing.  I thought maybe I had not put it on the dry cycle and tried again, nada, zippo, bubkus!  I think to myself that something might be blocking something and preventing the dryer from turning on, so I proceeded to fold the 3 loads of laundry that Rick washed and dried and did not fold (sheets and towels so wrinkles are a moot point) that were towering on the dryer.  I still wasn't too worried yet as I was confident that I would find the issue.  I got everything folded and put away and nothing was amiss on the top of the dryer.  I looked in the lint trap and it was full and I said to myself that that was the issue.  I cleaned out the lint trap and turned the dryer on.  Well I pushed the button and nothing happened, nothing at all.  I so folded the laundry for nothing....lol. 


 I turn to take the lint to the back door and put it outside for the birds when I hear this loud bang.  It sounded like someone slammed up against our security screen door.  This made me nervous as our whole yard is fenced in with an 8' high block wall around the sides and back and the front yard has a 4' block wall with 4' of wrought iron on top of it.  Everyone jokes that our yard is like Fort Knox and you can't get in unless we let you.  I run to our monitor and turn it on to see what the camera's are picking up and I don't see a thing.  I decide against looking out the windows, as I am nekkid and no one, not even an trespassing burglar should be subjected to that.  I put some clothes on and listen for any other noises and there are none.  I am now much braver with a thin layer of material separating me from anyone skulking around my yard and decide to look out the windows and I see nothing.  I decided to be even braver and put my death trap, ankle crunching slippers on to take a look around outside and see if I can see anything out of place, or some intruder hanging upside down on the wrought iron fence.  There is nothing amiss outside, so I go back inside.  I am not liking the peace and quiet now, so I decide to watch something that I had dvr'd to make it not so quiet in here.


I finished my shows and again noodled around on the computer, researching something (still not paying those pesky bills) and look up and it is time to get Nathan from school.  I have 15 minutes until I have to pick him up and that is plenty of time.  I search for my keys for a few minutes (they are so not in my key spot) and then I remember that I left them in the ignition when I pulled in the garage and got a phone call.  Hey, at least the car was inside the garage and not sitting in the driveway, right? WRONG! Could not be wronger!  I went to put up the garage door and it lifted only 1", yes only 1"!!!  I look around to see if anything fell to prevent the door from going up and all was clear.  I race out the front/side door and have to stop and unlock our Fort Knox gate so that I can look at the front of the garage to see if there is something there.  The front of the garage door is clear, nothing to block it!  Between looking for my keys and a non working garage door, I now have 1 minute to get to school and pick up Nathan.  Not happening.  I call a friend to see if she can get Nathan from his after school book club when she gets her daughter from the same club.  She says she is not going to school, her hubby was out and about and is getting her daughter.  UGH!  She is such a good friend, she says she will call her hubby to sit with Nathan until she gets there, as there is not room for 3 people to ride safely in his truck, and she will bring him home.  THANKS JUDI, YOU ROCK!!!  I call Rick and say don't be alarmed, but I am stuck in the garage and need your help.  Rick hates when I call him at work with these things, as :

• He could be 20' up in the air on a ladder
• Squished in an attic
• Can't leave a job he is in the middle of
• Too far away to come right home to deal with it
• Nothing he can do about it on the phone

  Today however, he was already on his way home and said he would be here in 20 minutes. YEAH!


My friend calls and says she and Nathan are in the driveway and he is trying to use the whatachamahickey on the side of the garage to open the door.  I race to the intercom and tell him to stop as I can just picture the garage door flying off the hinges and taking him out in one fell swoop (can you blame me with how this is going so far).  I go out the front/side door again, unlock the Fort Knox gate and thank Judi for getting him and bringing him home.  Nathan goes in the gate to go inside when we see Ricks truck coming up the street.  I stay where I am on the side of the driveway (where Rick parks) thinking that he will park on the other side so he can access the whatachamahickey and gate to fix the garage door.  Well you know what assuming things does, and he proceeds to back up his truck, apparently not seeing me.  I try to yell at him to stop, but his back up train whistle, yes you read that correctly, he has a train whistle sound when he backs up, drowns me out.  I am so glad that I did not have lunch today, because I was a sandwich away from being a pancake!  I slide along the wall to the gate pilling my pants the entire way and plan on sitting inside out of harms way while Rick fixes the garage door.


Rick heads inside to go to the garage to see what is going on.  I  and my pilled pants decide to go with him to see what is going on.  Rick tries to open the door and it goes up 1''.....did you think I was making it up?  He tries again for good measure, same thing.  He is about tho release the door from the tracks with the top handle when I notice that the whole length of the top of the door is bowed and tell him.  We realize that the spring and the mechanism that pulls the door up and down, is stripped.  He pulls the lever and it makes a loud bang (just like the one I heard earlier).  He gets his ladder to take a look thinking that maybe it can be fixed.  I decide to run inside and look on line if it is safe to repair this, or if we need to replace it.  I find my answer and go to print it for Rick to read and the @#$%^& copier jams!  I am beside myself with outrage that everything I touch is not working properly today.  I am a little nervous even typing this as my laptop has frozen a few times already.  I have a full dishwasher that needs to be run, however I do believe I will wait and let Rick start it...lol


So to my fellow compactors, I implore, no more challenges!  No more not using the dryer, no lets wash our clothes by hand,  no lets not use the car for a week,  no lets only open the fridge 1 time a day,  no lets power our TV's and laptops by running on the treadmill, no cooking only in a crock pot, no lets make our own candles and use them for light,  no lets sew our own clothes for a month, no anything....PLEASE!  Of course I am not serious, however it would be great if in the subject line you could say "Kelly open at your own risk" and I will avoid it like the plague.  


Rick just asked me if the dryer was still broken and I said yes and he said what's next, just so he is prepared.  Nathan asked me to stay away from the toaster oven and the fridge and just hid the iPad!  Guess that no interest for 12 months coupon from Home Depot is going to come in might handy in the next few weeks...I can so go for a Dove Bar right now!


To end on a positive note, I did not have to wear a bra all day.  I am taking all the positives I can get today and a day without underwire is a good day!

Today was not much better, thank you very much

Today, what can I say about today?  Well it was slightly better than yesterday, is that enough?


Woke up this morning and my legs were so stiff from my penguin like walking yesterday.  My right ankle was still swollen and a nice compilation of purples and black and blue.  My left ankle was just a tad sore, but so much better than yesterday.  New development however.  Not only did I twist my ankles yesterday, I apparently wretched my right knee and I woke up to a kneecap that looks like a bowl of jello and feels like it is on fire this am.


I try to get my sneakers on and I can, just not tied.  I can imagine me hobbling my penguin walk and having shoelaces underfoot.  My luck would be that I would trip on those laces and be in traction at the end of the day.  I decide to put my death trap slippers on (what else can they do to me) and get Nathan ready for school.  As I am dropping off Nathan, I ask him if he has everything he needs.  Backpack, check. Jacket, check.  Snack, check.  Homework, check.  Glasses cleaned, OH MAN!  I forgot my glasses Mom!  How do you forget your glasses?  It seems like it would be like forgetting to wear underwear, like forgetting to put on socks, like forgetting to put on your shoes before school.  I tell Nathan that I will bring them back in a little bit  (after all the drop offs are completed, because it is like the Daytona 500 with crash dummies in the morning around the school).  I am almost home when he calls me to remind me to bring in his glasses.  Really Nathan?  You forgot them, I say I will bring them back in and you are calling me 5 minutes after I just told you I would be back with them?  Too bad you didn't remind yourself this morning before we left the house...lol.


I get back to the school and hobble in the doors and very gingerly walk across the newly waxed floors.  I know that if I fall, it will be on camera and somehow will be shown over and over again.  Now showing at the next Family Movie night: Our PTO President Kelly "Do as I say, not as I say and not as I do" Evans,  will  be showing you the why of wearing correct footwear to school, and just how wrong it is to wear slippers.  As a special feature Kelly is going to demonstrate how to Stop, Drop, and Roll in case of a fire.  We do have our Nurse standing by, so please do not try this yourself.  I hobble to the relative safety of the carpeted floor in the office and sit and wait for Nathan to come get his glasses.  As I am sitting there minding my own business, not in the way of anything or anyone, a little person comes into the office and steps squarely onto my foot!  Why a cute little child would do this to me is beyond me!  Was I ever mean to you?  Did I ever ask you to sit on your pockets when you would rather be racing around the lunch room. Did I ever tell you not to spray water on the person behind you at the water fountain?  NO, I HAVE NOT!  What vendetta is playing out here?  After the buzzing in my ears stop, I hear a squeaky little voice say, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."  I am thinking that maybe this child needs Nathan's glasses more than Nathan does.  I say (out loud), "That's OK, accidents happen", while to myself I am saying, "How can you not see me sitting here, totally out of the way, not in the traffic path and with my foot as close to under the chair as I can manage and two steps in the office, you are standing on me?!?!?"


Nathan comes into the office and he does not look happy.  He says the kids are making fun of him for not having his glasses, saying is he blind, how many fingers am I holding up, can you see me, etc!  My heart just breaks for him.  I hug him and tell him that sometimes kids are just mean because they are jealous that you have cool green Converse Glasses.  I also tell him if someone else asks him how many fingers they are holding up to say, "Well you are in 3rd grade, you should know how many fingers you are holding up by now."  That is the best I could come up with that would be appropriate for school...don't make me come to class you !@#$%^&*#$%^&_+ Flock of Seagulls!




I go head for home, making sure I have no extra sets of keys, and walk slowly to the car.  I step down off the curb, right on a very pointy rock that I can feel right through my slipper!!!  I am so going to bed and put my feet up until it is time to go back to get Nathan and Harley*.


I get to school later in the afternoon and load Nathan, Harley and Little G (The Principals Therapy Dog) into the car and off we are to take Little G home and then head home ourself.  We roll down the windows for our two panting furry friends.  We are so glad that the windows were already down because the smell in the car is worse than horrible!  Harley has gas, and when Harley has gas, you need to leave the room.  We couldn't leave the room as we are all stuck in the car sharing the same foul air.  I look in the rearview mirror and I see Nathan trying to look in the back where the dogs are and I asked him what he was doing.  He says he is looking to see if they pooped, because it smells so bad in here.  Well they didn't poop, it just really stinks.




* Harley is a Sheriff Dog and a Therapy Dog.  Harley's Officer was killed in the line of duty and when his family goes out of town we get to love him while he stays with us.

Flock of Seagulls!

Let me point out that this was started February 10, but I did not get to post until just now. It was one of THOSE days!




Where did today go?  I had so many plans, so many things to accomplish and then it happened!  I was in a bit of a rush to take Nathan to school today, as he needed to be there 1 1/2 hours earlier and went to get something out of the car and then it happened!  I was wearing my slippers (that Nathan bought me for Christmas with his own money and which I love very much my thoughtful boy) and I went to step up on the running board and the slippers that my sweet little boy bought me slipped and my right foot came out and slid off the running board and crunched to the ground, while my left foot slammed to the concrete garage floor.  Let me tell you the words that came out of my mouth!  I could make a Sailor blush!!!  It helps (me) to let a whole bunch of expletives fly right out at that first bite of pain.  Really, try it next time you stub your toe.  If Nathan is around my favorite go to is "Flock of Seagulls".  So after making a whole fleet of Sailors blush, I hobble back into the house and no one notices.  Am I invisible, did you not hear the yelling from the garage?  No, they were just enjoying the bacon, eggs and pancakes that I made them for breakfast.  Must have been really yummy to not see the tears welling in my eyes and the double limp walking to the table.


I had gone to the car to get the forms for the "Candy Grams" for a fundraiser at Nathan's school.  I decided to forgo buying the little packs of Valentines at the store and to splurge and get the Candy Grams so that everyone in his class and some people I wanted to send them to, got the very coveted and much longed after Candy Grams.  I spent $35 and let me tell you there had better be Godiva in that Candy Gram when it is delivered!  I kid, I kid!


So I am filling out the 35 forms as we do not have time for Nathan and his 3rd grade (read slower than mine) handwriting to do this and watching both ankles swell up at the same time.  I am wondering what shade of purple the right ankle is going to be...Violet, Barney, Eggplant, Grape....I will save you all the guess work.  I was all of the above with a little bit of  black and blue, splotchy red and dark mauve for good measure. Flock of Seagulls!  I know there is no way I am getting shoes on these cankles this morning so I put on my death trap no traction slippers (thanks again Nathan, I love these so much and can't wait to wear them every day) and take turns limping on both ankles to the car to drive him to school.


Off we go....coasting out of the garage with my foot on the break (Lord have Mercy this hurts).  Put on the break hard (biting my lip) as we are at the top of a hill and I have to put it in drive now to go down the hill.  Get to the end of the development and are at a stop sign for forever ( I can tell it was forever as my ankle was pulsing in time with my heartbeat and I could feel each and every beat) and then I have to hit the gas to accelerate (please take me now).  Well this goes on for the next longest 7 minutes of my life on the way to school.  I drop Nathan off and repeat the whole painful experience on the drive home, the difference being, I can now vocalize my pain as there is not a very cute 3rd grader in the backseat taking notes.  I pull into the driveway and hit the garage door opener (the kind built into the visor) and NOTHING!  It is not opening the door.  I push it again, and again and harder and again!  Fine, I will just get out and hobble over the the whatachamahickey on the side of the garage and put in the code and just leave the car in the driveway.  I need to say that our driveway is a slant and I debated about going back and putting on the emergency break and then well, I didn't.  


I hobble inside, grab a drink and head for the shower and then to bed to put not one, but two feet up and watch some shows I had dvr'd.  I must have dozed a bit on the bed as my cell phone jarred me awake.  It was my boss calling and I said hello just as the missed call message came on.  I waited for a voice mail and there was none (my indicator is apparently on vacation as he left a few messages over the past 24 hours, along with about 6 other people).  No biggie, no voice mail, no problem, right? WRONG!  About 2 minutes later there is a text "Kelly, I need the quarterly reports for the entire 2010 year, and I need them in 1 hour!!!"  OMG!!   I tell him that I don't know if I can get them, as I just got a new computer as the other got fried and died and they transferred what they could.  Well his voice went up about 12 octaves and I knew I had to at least try.  I found them and I tried emailing them to him, but I have a Mac and he has a PC and he was not able to open the reports.  I tell him that  I have 1st, 2nd and 3rd quarter , but the 4th is not done because I am still waiting for a report done by an outside company and we are still waiting for the results.  Well that wasn't going to fly....so while I am trying to now print the 3 reports, I am writing the 4th as fast as I can with as few words as possible, enough to get us through the emergency meeting that was called.  Remember I have one hour and now I have to write the 4th quarter, and now have to hand deliver it as email is not working.  I am 20 minutes in already and the printer jams!  OMG!!  I don't have time for this!  I yank the paper and by the grace of whoever, it works and keeps printing.  His meeting is now 22 minutes away, I am 12 minutes from him and he is 10 minutes from where the meeting is.  I call him and say I am on my way,  and I have wet hair, am wearing slippers, and there is no time for a bra (who says this to their male boss? Me apparently).


I grab the papers, hobble to the car and race over to the office and I run up the stairs (well not really, but you get the point) and he sees me and says, "You made it!"  Well of course I did, your squeaky voice on the phone made this seem really really important.  We hurry to make copies and I say to him, would you like to read the 4th quarter and he says, "No time" and off he goes!  I stay for a minute and chit chat with some coworkers until I remember I am wearing a white T shirt and no bra....Gotta go, see you later.  I hobble down the steps and drive home.  The garage door refuses to open (it will close with the remote, but not open) so I leave the car in the driveway again, sans emergency break, hobble inside and go lay on the bed and prop my feet up.


I am propped for no more then 2 minutes when my phone rings again and it is now a PTO member wondering if I have the keys.  No I don't have the keys, why would I have the keys.  Let me check just to be sure.  Out I hobble to my car.  FLOCK OF SEAGULLS! I have the @#$%^&* keys, how do I have these keys!  I  text him and say give me 10 and I will be right there.  Much laughing ensues at the key exchange (none of it from me) and I am now on my way back home to prop my feet up and maybe brush my hair (as I forgot to after my shower as I fell asleep).  I am propped in bed, my hair is brushed, my ice has melted in my drink from hours ago and I turn on the TV. I find a show to watch and am laying back and relaxing when 30 minutes later the alarm on my phone goes off!  FLOCK OF SEAGULLS, FLOCK OF SEAGULLS, FLOCK OF SEAGULLS!!!  It is time to go to pick up Nathan at school.  I was just there!!!!  


I go get Nathan at school, we come home, parking in the driveway and he loves to do the whatachamahickey and we go inside to do homework , I get him a snack and then we get dressed for basketball practice....yes I am leaving yet again!!!   I never rested my ankles, never watched my show, never did any laundry, never did much of anything but drive, braless!


Want to trade days, I do!